Brick Layers joke

taz71498 · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:13 pm Post subject: Brick Layers joke

This is a bricklayers accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers Compensation Board. This is this bricklayers reporta true story.

Dear Sir;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put Poor Planning as the cause of my accident.You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.Here my began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only 3 vertabrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back
onto me.

_Ralph_ · Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 3:44 pm Post subject: Compensation Boards

An aging pirate of the high seas was talking with a mate one day about his pending retirement. "You ought to be compensated for your peg leg, hook for a hand and the patch on your eye," said the mate. "You might want to check it out before retiring."

So the pirate went to the compensation board to see for himself.

"How did you lose your leg?" asked the clerk behind the counter.

"Well me and my maties was sailing the high seas one day when the boom swang around and knocked me into the water and a shark got me leg." Replied the pirate.

"OK", said the clerk, "How did you lose your hand?"

"Well me and my maties were sailing the high seas one day and the boom swang around and knocked me into the water and a shark got me hand."

The clerk wrote down his response again, looked up, noticing the patch on his eye asked, "Is that how you lost your eye?

"Oh no, said the pirate, One day me and the maties were sailing the high seas and a sea gull landed on the boom. I looked up and it crapped in me eye."

"You don't loose an eye that way!" scoffed the clerk.

"But it was the first day with me new hook!" the pirate cried.


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