AVIATION FUNNIES AND JOKES

TMOV · Colonel Premium Member Joined: Feb 05, 2004 Posts: 1573

From Debby in Florida,today.
tmov

These just totally cracked me up. I just sat here and laughed. I figure everyone can use a laugh, so I'm passing them on. Be sure to read them all, they get better as they go along! Hope you all enjoy these as much as I did.
Have a good day! Debby
LAUGHTER IN THE SKY

To those of you who fly a lot, this may help you to "lighten up" the next time the airlines of your choice causes you major aggravation!
All too rarely, flight attendents make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaning. The
following are real examples that have been heard and reported.

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Un-
fortunately none of them are on this flight."

Heard of a Southwest Airlines flight: "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you
wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing
and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

On landing, the attendent said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's something we'd like to have."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at John Wayne airport,
a lone voice came over the loudspeaker. "Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out of this airplane."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with broken clouds, but we''ll
try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you , and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"Welcome aboard Southwest Airlines 245 to Tampa. To operate
your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.
It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how
to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with
our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendents. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Heard on Southwest flight just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm
here to tell you it wasn't the airlines fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the attendent's fault, it was the asphalt."

Heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. After an extremely hard landing,
the flight attendent said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain seated while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane
to the gate."

Another flight attendent's comment on a less than perfect landing "We
ask that you please remain seated as Captain Kangroo bounces us to
the terminal.."

Here's another one.: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us
today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think
of US Airways."

After a really hammered , hard landing, the pilot got up and stood
by the door and thanked each passenger as they exited the aircraft..
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking
with a cane.
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am, said the pilot. "What is your question?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Atlanta, the attendent came on
the horn,"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain seated until Captain
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
against the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal."

"This is the Captain speaking. Welcome to flight 258, non-stop to
Atlanta. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have
a smooth and uneventful flight. Please sit back and relax. OH, MY GOD!"
Total silence, and after a few minutes the pilot came on the intercom
and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.
While talking to you, the flight attendent accidently spilled a cup of
hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants !"
A passenger in coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the
back of mine!"

wawadave · Major Joined: Nov 22, 2002 Posts: 923 Location: Canada

lol those were good! Shocked


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