AMA urges last call on early alcohol ads

phoenix22 · Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2002 12:40 pm Post subject:

take this outside the bar.....we are drinkin' in here...........

ergibbs · Captain Joined: Dec 10, 2002 Posts: 343 Location: Florida

The parents have the responsibility to raise the kids, not society. Showing ads is not going to intoxicate children; it's up to the parents to teach the good and the bad to their children. Having lived in Spain for 8 years, where you can buy a beer at the bar as long as you are tall enough to reach over it, I can honestly say that drinking among juveniles is not nearly as prevalent as it is here in the U.S. As long as society treats alcohol as an "evil." kids are going to want to do it, out of curiosity, out of peer pressure, out of rebellion - take your pick.

Woody · Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:01 pm Post subject:

Beer Troubleshooting
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Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass Empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symptom: Beer tasteless and the front end of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass applied to the wrong face.
Action: Retire to the restroom and practice in the mirror.

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through an empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with the bartender.

Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspects and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
Fault: Your dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on someone cushy-looking.

Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: Someone is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it as them.

Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.

Woody · Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:03 pm Post subject:

New Beer Warning Labels

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Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you cant remember)

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

TimeGhost · Captain Joined: Apr 11, 2003 Posts: 639 Location: USA

Good ones, Woody.

Ergibbs has a good point. The fact that here in the USA no one under 21 is allowed to drink actually motivates our youth to drink so they can be cool and grownup.

If my daughter shows an interest in drinking, I'd be inclined to let her drink as much as she wants (at home) so that she'll barf her brains out and develop an aversion to it. Of course, cleaning up her own vomit would be involved.

COBBLERS2U · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 6:50 pm Post subject:

Wow What a topic, best read ive had for a long while, tears are rolling down my cheeks (facial ones) my lungs hurt & I need picking up of the floor. It's difficult to type kneeling down as the keyboards too high from down here.


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